Style Points

Retraction: Tom Benson Death Threat by Business_Socks

Here at Style Points we occasionally have to run a retraction because of inaccuracies or unfortunate and uncomfortable situations. This is one of those uncomfortable situations.

Tom Benson

I’ve never been a fan of apologies generated by PR firms. They always seem vaguely written and insincere. Also, I don’t want to summon the Style Points legal juggernaut (which is massive and all-powerful) to handle something as clear-cut as this. Plus, the Style Points legal fund is constantly in flux due to CPH’s gender baiting trips to Jezebel. But, enough of that. I’m going to go through my original letter and apologize to Mr. Benson in a detailed and sincere manner.

Dear Mr. Benson (You Pig-Faced Ass Nugget),

That seems a bit strong.

Mr. Benson, you need to know upfront that everyone’s been on pins and needles about the Superdome lease situation and maybe my emotions got the best of me.

Your open threats of moving the Saints to San Antonio or Los Angeles in the wake of Hurricane Katrina are insensitive and greed driven.

Pretty level headed. Maybe it’s not as bad as I recalled.

The request you sent to the State Legislature demanding subsidies left me speechless.

Okay. No problems there.

What kind of bloodsucking albatross, a shit sucking parasite, would try to shoehorn public financing for arena repairs into hurricane relief legislation? I hope you end up garroted in Jackson Square and your corpse is raped and pissed upon by diseased street performers.



Uh Oh. Well, where to start? I regret the coarse language. Uncalled for. Honestly, I’m not even sure what an albatross is. It’s a giant bird or something, right? Also, public display of executions is inhumane and insensitive to the deceased and the citizens of the great city of New Orleans. Again, please accept my apology.

Owning an NFL franchise is a license to print money. Considering that you’ve mostly put out a shit product in your 24 years of ownership yet your team’s value has grown at an exponential rate is a testament of the city’s love for their team and something to be truly grateful for.

Valid points I think. Hopefully, all the unsavory things have been accounted for.

Incredible Circumstances

Incredible Circumstances

How you could turn around and gut punch a city under these incredible circumstances is beyond my comprehension. I fantasize about beating you with that stupid umbrella you dance around with and leaving you in the street where a Brinks truck or a U-Haul van (oh, delicious irony) mistakes you for a speed bump. I hope you die sad and alone, you big pile of donkey shit.



Alright, I crossed a line there. Vehicular manslaughter is nothing to laugh at. Obviously, this letter was written under duress and I’d like you to consider that when reviewing my season ticket renewal application. Again, I’d like to publicly thank you here in the digital pages of Style Points (the 4th most popular sports blog in the world!) for renewing your lease agreement with the Superdome and I look forward to 25 years of great memories.

Also, if it’s not too much trouble, could you drop the restraining order? It’s really fucking up my divorce proceedings. They’re trying to force therapy and anger management classes on me because of the charges. I’m sure you understand. Fuckin’ women, am I right?




3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You’re missing the boat, Socks. After Katrina, all the really talented hookers left for Atlanta, LA, and the oilier parts of Texas. Bring back the girls and nobody goes nowhere.

Comment by sonnymcspam

[…] Is This Tom Benson Letter Over The Line? I thought it was funny but, Jesus it’s mean spirited. Retraction: Tom Benson Death Threat Style Points […]

Pingback by Is This Tom Benson Letter Over The Line? - New Orleans Saints - Black and Gold - Community

We see these things, what ever other year or something? Benson is an easy target. The dude has more shoes in his mouth than he does in his closet.

But remember that you are dealing with a man who makes his real money in the auto industry. Think of that closer walking into the room after the salesman is done and can not close the deal. You know the guy, gold pinkie ring and well styled hair, usually greased back. Thats Tom. He sizes you up and grooms his approach according to the person sitting across from him in a split second.

Well he is dealing with politicians. This group of people are among the lowest types of life forms you come across. They are bottom feeders. So he plays hard ball with them. Cut through all the crap and get down to the deal ASAP. Two king bullsh*tters sitting across the table from one another. That is all it is.

To Toms credit he has tried to put a winning team on the field. To his credit he has succeeded for the most part. He has learned a lot along the way. Remember he bought this team to keep them here in NO and had no experience in running a professional team. Plus when he took over he certainly had no one in his FO to guide him. So let him dance. He seems to enjoy winning as much as we do. Heck he paid for the right to make a fool of himself at midfield if he wants to. I just laugh and wish I could dance with him.

Just accept the man for who he is and move on already.

Thanks you Tom for keeping the saints in NO and forcing the state to make the super dome a better place to watch the saints. I can live with all the crap that has gone with it. The big picture is looking better with every year that goes bye. You kept your promise and the saints are still in New Orleans.

Comment by hagan714

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: