Style Points

Weekly Power Poll: New Jobs For Van Gundy by Business_Socks

We here at Style Points perform many duties.  At different points in our career we’ve been called a clubhouse cancer, clubhouse lawyer (redundant), class clown, hall monitor, first base coach and occasionally, head hunter.  So today we put on our career counselor cap (it’s bedazzled) and try to fit soon- to-be-unemployed Stan Van Gundy with a new career.

Donut Maker10. Donut Maker – We hate to typecast someone but he looks the part.  He also looks the part of a cretinous porn star but, you knew that already.
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Ask An Old Redneck by Business_Socks
May 14, 2009, 11:00 am
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: , , ,
Festus T. Bongwater

Festus T. Bogwater

A recurring feature where Style Points’ resident Old Redneck Festus T. Bogwater answers reader questions.

Dear Festus,

I’ve recently retired.  I spend all my time out on my farm hiding from my wife and kids.  Truthfully, I’d like to go back to work but I don’t know if I should. I’m a gunslinger by nature and it’s hard to let the old career go. Also, I’ll probably go to a rival organization and will be subject to a lot of bad press.  That being said, I’m losing my mind sitting on this lawnmower.  What should I do?

Hesitant in Hattiesburg

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Athlete Phone Sex Transcripts: Ron Artest by Shakεy

Deadspin commenter Karlifornia has agreed to become a contributor for this fine site. Here’s his first foray into Style Points literature.

artestyoyoCheerio, everyone. My name is Cornelius Bagley the Third. Let me indulge all of you with the fanciful tale of “CB-3”. I had a privileged childhood, culminating with a legacy entrance into Oxford University. I earned my degree in 4 months, the result of superior secondary schooling. I immigrated to America 22 years ago to work as a stockbroker. Possessing a vast knowledge of the inner workings of international finance, I quickly ascended the Wall Street ladder. I unfortunately could not overcome my addiction to what the proletariat refers to as “the common street whore”. I contracted a rare strain of herpes known only as “Simplex X”. It left me with ghastly sores all over my body and face. I was subsequently blackballed from Wall Street, and forced to find a lesser occupation.

That occupation I found was managing a phone sex company. I will now share with you the transcript of a call from a professional athlete by the name of Ron Artest. The thespian is a gorgeous bird that goes by the nom de phone sex of “Alexxxa”. Continue reading