Style Points

Christmas Wishlist: Brian Scalabrine by Shakεy

Last December I ran into the old lunk on the streets of Philadelphia as he was trying to locate a mail box for a letter addressed to the North Pole. The confused fella was late for shootaround so he asked me to deposit the letter in the nearest mail bin I could find. I kept the letter. Today, I share Brian Scalabine’s Christmas Wishlist with you.

Hey Santa!

Hope the Elves aren’t driving you crazy like last year when you hit little Fruibles with a frying pan. Has Prancer’s pancreatic cancer improved? Maybe you can send a letter to Jesus so it can be all better. I know you get lots of these things and I don’t want to tire your eyes out and make you get new prescriptions for your half moon lenses. It must take hours to drive to the nearest Lenscrafters eye glass store!

5. Jumbo Triple Pronged Back Scratcher: Big Baby got his man AIDS on my last one because he was scratching his dingleballs, plus it was too short. Scal needs some heavy duty big boy reach. And I can only find double scratch heads. One more will increase efficiency and decrease futility. I heard they make special ones for the Panda Bears deep in the heart of Australia. Those would be cool.

4. Ted Nugent Cat Scratch Fever Record: To continue the ‘scratch’ theme, I have been attempting this look for ages but cannot seem to pull it off. Maybe if I had it within glancing reach my brain will subnodally distribute censorship to my hair follicules and insinuate (or stimulate? I get those two mixed up) that they grow in a cat scratch styling. Plus Wang Dang Sweet Poontang will be my wedding song.

3. Partridge in a Pear Tree: Don’t know what the hubbub is all about but since I always hear the nuns singing about it on the Christmas CD in my car I don’t know how to take out, I want one. Preferably the one played by Danny Bonaduce. I watched his television show and I think he could really help me get fit at the gym!

2. Charizard: I’ve been watching the Pokemon televised reality show for ages! Charizard is my favorite. Plus, I really think his ability to breath flames will help out at the Quiznos fine dining restaurant I plan to open up when I finally find out where all of my paychecks are being sent to.

1. Geordi LaForge’s VISOR: Sanna please give this I am as big a Trekkie as that Price Line negotiator please please please I will do anything I can’t find it at Toys ‘R Us anywhere, it is very frustrating. Please punish Kevin Garnett he calls me a pussycopter for wanting it, not nice. I promise to wear it wherever I go. I would love a device that scans my electromagnetic spectrum, creating visual imput, that transmits to my brain via optic nerves. I don’t know what that means because I just read Wikipedia, but I really think with my new head band it will uncontrievably increase my badass quotient on the court.

Thanks Santa! I love you and I promise if I ever get a wife she can have your babies! Mrs. Claus must be getting old!


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K.G.will go down as one of the most itsenne,ferious players of all time.He is as professional as they come and this is his job.End of story already.The media just need someone to write about,so why not,K.G.Any team,any place on the damn planet would take him right now,so put that in your pipe and smoke it!

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