Style Points


Conspiracy Corner with Rashard Mendenhall by Business_Socks
May 12, 2011, 12:40 am
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: , ,

The NFL lockout has afforded the league’s athletes with an unprecedented amount of free time.  Here at Style Points we will be highlighting interesting and innovative uses of this time by some of today’s biggest stars.  Today, we present you with a transcript – yes, we sent the ten dollars and self-addressed stamped envelope – of a new public access television show hosted by Pittsburgh Steeler running back Rashard Mendenhall.  His first guest?  Our old, dear friend…Ron Artest.

Rashard Mendenhall:  Welcome to Conspiracy Corner.  I’m your host, Rashard Mendenhall.  Tonight I’m thrilled to tell you that we have a real NBA star here to share his thoughts regarding some of the world’s biggest mysteries.  Ladies and gentlemen, RON ARTEST!

Ron Artest:  What’s good?

RM: Ron, pleasure to have you!  First question….were you followed here?

RA: I don’t think so.  I mean, I changed buses twice and then I covered myself in mud like Predator and shit.  I bought what I thought was an invisibility cloak from this homeless dude but that turned out to be a camouflage Snuggie.  So, I don’t know what his return policy is on that shit but I got my receipt and…

RM: Ron, that’s a property card from Monopoly.

RA: For real?

RM: Yeah, that’s Baltic Avenue.

RA: Man, what’s the world coming to?

RM: That’s exactly what we’re exploring here on Conspiracy Corner.  Let’s not beat around the bush.  I made my thoughts regarding the (air quotes) death of Osama Bin Laden public last week.  I’m personally skeptical.  I mean, maybe I’m crazy but I just don’t think the Navy would shoot the guy and then toss him overboard without letting the public see the body.  Your thoughts?

RA:  Yeah, that’s definitely fishy.  The thing that scares me is what if they REALLY threw him in the ocean?!  With all the toxic waste that washed into the sea after the earthquake in Japan, isn’t anyone scared that Osama will get like, all radiated and shit and come back as a 100ft. mutant octopus?

RM: Aww, shit. Like an Osamapus?  I never thought of that.  I bet that’s exactly what our government wants.  Now all the government contractors are going to start selling the military mutant octopus photon guns.

RA:  Phil Jackson told me that he heard we already cloned a whole team of mutant Clint Eastwoods with great white sharks.

RM: That’s awesome!  Wait, it’s not the Clint Eastwood from Bridges Over Madison County is it because he was a total pussy in that movie.

RA:  Naw, they made sure it’s the Clint from Gran Torino so it’s extra racist against brown people and shit.

RM: Dope.  Okay, so, the Twin Towers.  Was that an inside job?

RA:  That’s an easy one.  Go rent the game Rampage.

RM:  Huh?

RA:  I’m telling you a gorilla, a werewolf, and a giant godzilla beat them shits down with their bare hands.

RM:  Uh….why would they do that?

RA:  Godzilla was working for the Japanese Yakuza.  That gorilla was clearly avenging King Kong.

RM: What about the werewolf?

RA:  Unrequited love.

RM:  What the hell are you talking about?

RA:  I heard that werewolf was just trying to get the attention of a chick who is torn between her affection for him and a Dracula.

RM:  Ron….that’s from the movie Twilight.

RA:  If you say so.

RM:  Man, I thought my theories were out there.  Well, we’re running short of time.  Any last minute thoughts you want to throw out there?

RA:  Yeah, grape soda.

RM:  Grape soda?!

RA:  Can’t find that shit in a good neighborhood.  Conspiracy?  You tell me.

RM:  Why is it available in only bad neighborhoods?

RA:  It was introduced in the ghetto because the government knew that shit was highly addictive and black folks would kill each other over that shit.

RM:  I think you’re thinking of crack.

RA:  Naw, FANTA GODDAMNIT!

RM:  Okay, that’s all the time we have on Conspiracy Corner.  I’d like to thank my guest, Ron Artest, who’s insanity is reassuring to me.  I mean, at least I’m not that crazy.

RA:  New York City was built on top of a pet cemetery!

RM:  Jesus, I can’t wait for this lockout to be over…

(Attn:  For the mouth breathers out there, this is a fake interview.  Our shitty, has-been blog does not have access to professional athletes.  That is all.)

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4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

FIRST!1!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!11!1!

Comment by Matthew Keffer

Aww this blog is not a has been. It is a never was.

Comment by stormking

Hi Businesssocks,
This question may be a little off-topic, If you?re so frightened of the police state / insurance coverage conspiracy or developing hurt in a auto wreck, then why are you at the rear of the wheel of the car as a substitute of hiding beneath your blankets and sobbing and shreiking at the slightest sound like the duck from Garfield
Keep up the posts!

Comment by Christian King

Hello Businesssocks,
On a similar note,, By definition “conspiracy” means to knowingly do an act against the rule of law.
Here’s why I think 9/11 was an inside job (probably orchestrated by rumsfeld and cheney and others. Please correct me where I’m wrong.
1) What happened to WTC 7? It did not fall because of debris and fires that’s clear.Nothing hit it. Yet… it was demolished or “pulled” as its owner said. Pulling a building takes weeks of intense planning. So ? Whats happening?
2) How come they restricted all tapes that filmes the pentagon? That’s one of the most surveilled places on earth. If you look closely at pictures of pentagon you can see cameras pointing in every direction at every corner.
3) Reporters said they heard explosions iside the twin towers before collapsing. Why where these videos banned ?
4) The twin towers collapsed in 9 seconds, as a free object would fall encountering no resistance below it. Therefore that “below” was blown off before it would reach it. Presumably with explosives.
So ? What u think?
Cheers

Comment by Neil Blackburn




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