Style Points


Conspiracy Corner with Rashard Mendenhall
May 12, 2011, 12:40 am
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: , ,

The NFL lockout has afforded the league’s athletes with an unprecedented amount of free time.  Here at Style Points we will be highlighting interesting and innovative uses of this time by some of today’s biggest stars.  Today, we present you with a transcript – yes, we sent the ten dollars and self-addressed stamped envelope – of a new public access television show hosted by Pittsburgh Steeler running back Rashard Mendenhall.  His first guest?  Our old, dear friend…Ron Artest.

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Ask An Old Redneck Vol. 2

festus
It’s time to check in with Festus again.  Let’s see who’s needing a nice dose of anonymous advice.

Dear Mr. Bogwater,

Long time reader, first time writer.  I’ve been struggling at the plate lately.  My power has mysteriously disappeared.  Though last night I connected for my first home run of the year.  What I would like to know is do you think that’s a sign that I’m getting my stroke back or just dumb luck?

Thanks,

Brokedown in Beantown
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Weekly Power Poll: Wrestlers Turned Hoopsters

This week it came to light that the Pepsi Center in Denver is double booked for game 4 of the Western Conference Finals.  The competing event is a WWE event.  With no easy answers in sight we here at Style Points burned the midnight oil (and sensimilla) and found a compromise.  We’ll find 5 old school wrestlers apiece to suit up for the Lakers and Nuggets.  We still get the game and Vince McMahon gets his exposure (and his Guatemalan toddler as per his venue rider).


10. Junkyard Dog  (Lakers) – He’s a perfect fit for LA because they are as soft as Jack Nicholson’s penis pavillion (stomach).  Yes, he’s dead but if you’re going to be a stickler about whether or not these old school wrestlers are alive then I’m not going to be able to write this fucking thing so shut up Mean Gene Okerlund.
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Community Service: A.C. Green, Sex Machine

This week Style Points has found itself in a bit of a legal imbroglio.  While we’ve been advised by house counsel (Daaz) to not divulge details, we just want to say that we DIDN’T do it and we were MORE than 100 yards away from the schoolyard.

Anyways, as part of our plea deal we agreed to open this space (the #3 fastest growing blog according to wordpress) up for public service announcements.  Luckily, we secured the services of a real champion.  A.C. Green, world conquering forward for the Showtime era Lakers has volunteered to answer sex education questions from the youngsters at North Gulfport Junior High in Gulfport, MS.

ACGreen

Take it away,  A.C.
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10 Songs to Steal

In these tough economic times we here at Style Points have devised a revolutionary way for our readers to still enjoy some cultural enlightenment while keeping an eye on their wallet. Our method? THEFT! So go ahead and get these songs with the notion of repaying the artist by seeing them live when they come around (makes ‘jerkoff’ motion).

1. “Outshined” by Soundgarden

Here’s a track by the seminal Seattle band that hasn’t been done to death. The line ‘lookin’ California/ feelin’ Minnesota’ is the story of my life. I am a handsome yet miserable bastard. Anyways, there’s a great riff and impeccable vocals by the late, great Chris Cornell. I can’t believe the guy’s been dead for what? Eight years? (Checks Wikipedia) Apparently, Mr. Cornell is still alive and well. Sorry. I was thinking of his artistic integrity.


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Weekly Power Poll: New Jobs For Van Gundy

We here at Style Points perform many duties.  At different points in our career we’ve been called a clubhouse cancer, clubhouse lawyer (redundant), class clown, hall monitor, first base coach and occasionally, head hunter.  So today we put on our career counselor cap (it’s bedazzled) and try to fit soon- to-be-unemployed Stan Van Gundy with a new career.

Donut Maker10. Donut Maker – We hate to typecast someone but he looks the part.  He also looks the part of a cretinous porn star but, you knew that already.
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Ask An Old Redneck
May 14, 2009, 11:00 am
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: , , ,
Festus T. Bongwater

Festus T. Bogwater

A recurring feature where Style Points’ resident Old Redneck Festus T. Bogwater answers reader questions.

Dear Festus,

I’ve recently retired.  I spend all my time out on my farm hiding from my wife and kids.  Truthfully, I’d like to go back to work but I don’t know if I should. I’m a gunslinger by nature and it’s hard to let the old career go. Also, I’ll probably go to a rival organization and will be subject to a lot of bad press.  That being said, I’m losing my mind sitting on this lawnmower.  What should I do?

Hesitant in Hattiesburg

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