Style Points

Conspiracy Corner with Rashard Mendenhall by Business_Socks
May 12, 2011, 12:40 am
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The NFL lockout has afforded the league’s athletes with an unprecedented amount of free time.  Here at Style Points we will be highlighting interesting and innovative uses of this time by some of today’s biggest stars.  Today, we present you with a transcript – yes, we sent the ten dollars and self-addressed stamped envelope – of a new public access television show hosted by Pittsburgh Steeler running back Rashard Mendenhall.  His first guest?  Our old, dear friend…Ron Artest.

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Athlete Phone Sex Transcripts: Ron Artest by Shakεy

Deadspin commenter Karlifornia has agreed to become a contributor for this fine site. Here’s his first foray into Style Points literature.

artestyoyoCheerio, everyone. My name is Cornelius Bagley the Third. Let me indulge all of you with the fanciful tale of “CB-3”. I had a privileged childhood, culminating with a legacy entrance into Oxford University. I earned my degree in 4 months, the result of superior secondary schooling. I immigrated to America 22 years ago to work as a stockbroker. Possessing a vast knowledge of the inner workings of international finance, I quickly ascended the Wall Street ladder. I unfortunately could not overcome my addiction to what the proletariat refers to as “the common street whore”. I contracted a rare strain of herpes known only as “Simplex X”. It left me with ghastly sores all over my body and face. I was subsequently blackballed from Wall Street, and forced to find a lesser occupation.

That occupation I found was managing a phone sex company. I will now share with you the transcript of a call from a professional athlete by the name of Ron Artest. The thespian is a gorgeous bird that goes by the nom de phone sex of “Alexxxa”. Continue reading