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ShakεyFiled under: Business_Socks | Tags: conspiracy theories, rashard mendenhall, Ron Artest
The NFL lockout has afforded the league’s athletes with an unprecedented amount of free time. Here at Style Points we will be highlighting interesting and innovative uses of this time by some of today’s biggest stars. Today, we present you with a transcript – yes, we sent the ten dollars and self-addressed stamped envelope – of a new public access television show hosted by Pittsburgh Steeler running back Rashard Mendenhall. His first guest? Our old, dear friend…Ron Artest.
Filed under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: coaches with authority problems, dear god Al Davis was right, eli manning, fog machines, future odds, lane kiffin, layla kiffin, nick montana, pat summitt, peyton manning, peyton manning has a sixhead, polls, recruiting violations, sexting, sexytime with layla kiffin
Kiffin explains the more delicate intricacies of recruiting violations
Former Al Davis whipping boy/blood jockey Lane Kiffin has already run afoul of the NCAA several times in his short time as head coach of the University of Tennessee, prompting many to wonder if the fair-haired lady-killer is in over his head. His various rules infractions so far have included unauthorized career advice, ill-advised follow-up calls, calling the kettle black, illegal use of a fog machine, practicing medicine without a license, and most recently, oversharing on Twitter (redundant).
As we make a living on being one step ahead of the game, Style Points now looks to the future and prognosticates the precocious coach’s next avenue of fuck-up.
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: advice, apple bottom, Big Papi, boobs, Bull Head Clap, Festus T. Bogwater, gay grandson, gorilla roids, Jamba Juice, Kubota, Michael Vick, Vida Guerra
It’s time to check in with Festus again. Let’s see who’s needing a nice dose of anonymous advice.
Dear Mr. Bogwater,
Long time reader, first time writer. I’ve been struggling at the plate lately. My power has mysteriously disappeared. Though last night I connected for my first home run of the year. What I would like to know is do you think that’s a sign that I’m getting my stroke back or just dumb luck?
Thanks,
Brokedown in Beantown
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Filed under: Shakey | Tags: butt tampons, Donovan McNabb contract extension, Kevin Kolb, Kevin Kolb frustrated, Mewtwo, Prom, robot spider monsters, vampire zombie hybrid
Today Eagles backup Quarterback Kevin Kolb said he’d be ‘frustrated’ if Donovan McNabb received a contract extension. Unfortunately for Kolb, journalists didn’t give enough of a shit about him to print the rest of his words. But you know what Kevin? I’m here for you. I’ll tell the world how you really feel.
Kevin Kolb would also be frustrated if… Continue reading
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: Baby Hulk, black mamba, denver nuggets, Dibiase boned my aunt, Guatemalan toddler, Junkyard Dog, LA Lakers, Nicholson's penis pavillion, predictions, the Undertaker, WWE
This week it came to light that the Pepsi Center in Denver is double booked for game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. The competing event is a WWE event. With no easy answers in sight we here at Style Points burned the midnight oil (and sensimilla) and found a compromise. We’ll find 5 old school wrestlers apiece to suit up for the Lakers and Nuggets. We still get the game and Vince McMahon gets his exposure (and his Guatemalan toddler as per his venue rider).
10. Junkyard Dog (Lakers) – He’s a perfect fit for LA because they are as soft as Jack Nicholson’s penis pavillion (stomach). Yes, he’s dead but if you’re going to be a stickler about whether or not these old school wrestlers are alive then I’m not going to be able to write this fucking thing so shut up Mean Gene Okerlund.
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Filed under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: baconnaise, denver nuggets, fecal mountain, George Karl, george karl has a glandular problem, Healthy Living, how to lose weight and alienate people, making fun of cancer survivors, NBA health tips, peeping tom, people who look like William Taft, western conference finals
As America remains mired in an epidemic of obesity and sedentary lifestyle, Style Points feels we have a civic obligation to tackle the problem head-on and lead a national campaign of health education and awareness. However, this seemed like far too much work, so instead we asked friend-of-the-site and current Denver Nuggets Head Coach/celestial body George Karl to share his tips to a healthier and happier you. (Editorial note: The copy we received from Karl was covered in honey mustard and what appears to be saliva, but we’ve tried to transcribe the best we can).
Filed under: Shakey | Tags: C-List douche, Dairy Queen with Shaq, Daughter Lindsay, Jimmy Fallon, Maddog Madsen, Mark Madsen, Mark Madsen has no friends, Shrek
Thirty three year old NBA journeyman Power Forward Mark Madsen would love to share his thoughts via the newfangled social networking device Twitter. Unfortunately for the 6’9″ big man out of Stanford University, nobody wants to follow him. ‘MaddogMadsen‘ is twittering into a vacuum of despair. Continue reading
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: A.C. Green, baby oil, Caligula, clitoris, community service, condoms, Laker Girls, Lakers, Magic Johnson, man in the boat, North Gulfport, oral, Pat Riley, Paula Abdul, Peter Cockinhertail, Peter Cottontail, possession with intent to distribute, sex machines, Showtime
This week Style Points has found itself in a bit of a legal imbroglio. While we’ve been advised by house counsel (Daaz) to not divulge details, we just want to say that we DIDN’T do it and we were MORE than 100 yards away from the schoolyard.
Anyways, as part of our plea deal we agreed to open this space (the #3 fastest growing blog according to wordpress) up for public service announcements. Luckily, we secured the services of a real champion. A.C. Green, world conquering forward for the Showtime era Lakers has volunteered to answer sex education questions from the youngsters at North Gulfport Junior High in Gulfport, MS.
Take it away, A.C.
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Filed under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: Alyssa Milano, alyssa milano NUDE NUDE NUDE, alyssa milano rumors, Barry Zito, baseball romance, I should've learned how to pitch, pteradactyl love, Randy Johnson, shitty pitchers and the women who love them, unholy unions
Veteran Randy Johnson gave up 7 earned runs over four innings of work in a loss against the Mets on Saturday, as he remains two wins shy of eclipsing the 300 mark for his career. The 45-year-old surefire Hall of Famer has found little success in his first season with the Giants, and his ERA has ballooned close to seven as he struggles to find his groove in the Bay Area.
It wasn’t all bad news for the 6’10” lefty this weekend though, as he received the following text message from an unknown number about an hour after the game:
Style Points 